SkysongJustKillMeNow's Xanga

OMGYOUTUBE

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 01:35:43 GMT

...Wow, it's been a long time since I updated this. Well, anyway, I made a fancy slideshow of the funner pictures I took in Florida to Flogging Molly.

...So... yeah.

RQE: "DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOIN'!"

OMGWTF NEW COMPUTER-GASM!!!!

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 00:26:42 GMT

Had a very excellent day. I finally got a new computer- all shiny and nice. This dude in town said my old laptop was more or less scrap metal (well, not in so many words, but he said I should just get a new one instead of fixing up the old one), and I got a used one for $150. It's a beautiful thing- so far the only thing that bugs me is that there's no headphone jack (although there are these neat controls for when I insert a CD- I can just press play, no WMP required ^^).

Of course, there are a few bugs... I have to reinstall most of my programs (including MSN, which will take FOREVER, and there was a minor crisis with getting the dial-up to work), and the music wouldn't copy because of stupid XP security features (which is actually rather good, considering I had literally a thousand music files- I checked on Monday). Also, I have to wait to get my pictures back, since that was, like, half the memory. XD So far the only thing that really annoys me is the lack of Microsoft Word- going back to Wordpad is going to be painful. Also, this one has a slower processing speed, so it's a little bit iffy with IE 7, but the hardware works! I am happy!

Now I must go do a dance. Because it's awesome.

RQE: "Every time you smirk like that, Nemo, I die a little inside because I can't afford to kill you."

Weirdest. Day. EVER. And I don't say that too often.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 20:21:22 GMT

Today started out pretty normal... woke up really, really late, during a dream about pushing boxes (damn you Avatar game!). It's really not surprising that I was having dreams about it, though; I stayed up until about two in the morning last night playing it (...even though it's not really all that good ^^; it's like a bad fanfic) and waiting for Haru to show up (you don't actually get to play as him in the GBA version XP).

Anyhow.

Yesterday, on our expedition to Marshfield, my dad bought a new vacuum which is supposed to be all fanciful and special and stuff. And very good for picking up dog hair. So he made me pre-vacuum to get the big stuff off the floor.

My dogs are really, really weird around vacuums. Sarge (the bigger one, almost two) is terrified of them. Not as bad as when he was younger, but still enough to send him fleeing from the room. And Kally (younger, almost seven months)... apparently thinks they're some kind of chew toy. Seriously. When I was vacuuming, she tried to eat it. I'd push it forward and she'd snap at it, and then she'd whine when it didn't try to bite back or whatever she was expecting. WEIRD.

And then, just to add a touch of surreality, my dad put this stuff that looks and smells like crushed lemon Pez all over the floor. I'm not sure why. It's supposed to help with the new vacuum or something. And then... the new vacuum didn't work. I'm not sure why, it just didn't. So my dad had to use the regular vacuum to get rid of all the lemon Pez stuff.

So HA.

Our carpet is very, very clean now, though.

And then, of course, Saddam Hussein was hanged (hung...?) this morning.

Oh, wait, Dad just got the vacuum to work. He loves his toys.

RQE: "My fire chakra would like something else to eat besides onion-banana juice."

;_; I Miss It Already!

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 04:20:31 GMT

AGGGGGGHHHHHH.

Today was a good day, but I'm still kind of freaking out because I lost my USB drive. It was a really sweet one, too- one gig and smaller and less clunky than most I've seen. We have another one (which is technically my mom's, but she doesn't use it- doesn't know how O_o).

Technically, it's been missing since Wednesday, and I've been trying to find it, but no cigar. And now I'm spazzing because since we're now on Christmas break, I probably won't ever find it.

Which really tanks, since that thing was useful as hell.

I haven't seen it since third hour of Wednesday, in which I used it to write fanfiction while I was supposed to be doing my history paper. When I couldn't locate it later, I assumed I had left it in the computer lab. Not surprising, since I'd forgotten it in the library once, and the USB drives on the ones in the lab are on the back, not the front. Easy mistake to make.

No such luck. It wasn't there.

Which means that either A) I took it, and it fell out of my backpack (which is altogether possible, since there is a huge hole in it; it's rather unlikely, though, since I am careful to keep it in the intact one in its own separate section), B) someone found it and decided it was cool enough to keep, or C) some teacher found it and confisticated it and I have not heard about it (although I have asked the teacher who was in there and Mr.Vornholt about it). I may put up posters when we get back, although it may be like flogging a dead horse. I'll probably have to put a picture of myself on it as well as one of the drive, though.

It's an expensive little bugger (although we got it on sale), and it was handy not having to email files to myself if I wanted to work on them at school or vice-versa.

…Also, I'll probably have to tell my mom (unless it magically appears in my backpack), and she will totally spaz, since it was still at least fifty bucks. Even though she doesn't really get how they work or how nice they are.

Besides that, though, it has been good lately. Nothing especially sucktacular has happened.

Happy holidays all.

RQE: "Bring me the heads of fifty emo boys! You will earn your keep by laying waste to hapless Saves the Day fans!" "To the mall, where I shall burn and pillage! And also try on shoes!"

A Midsummer Night's Scheme... bwahah. Money.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:28:43 GMT

Or, more precisely, how to get it...

Ultimate Goal: Figure out some way to get the money for the band trip to Florida (and possibly a new laptop; depends on how this all pans out).

Goals within the goal: Get a job (obviously to provide this money)

Strike deal with parents (probably reimburse them... except first I have to convince 'em I'm serious >.<)

Find out exactly how much the laptop I want would cost (Dell Inspiron Notebook; the basic package is $639, so I need to find out how much modifications would cost... my laptop is a POS, and this would have more than three times the memory)

Does anyone know of any pointless, menial jobs that don't require too much interaction with people? That's the kind of thing I enjoy doing... I've crossed off waitress and stuff at Marty's or IGA because that means dealing with unexpected stuff (...ok, people), and I don't handle that well... I like pointless, repetitive things that make it look like I accomplish stuff (i.e., things like Senior Survey- mind-numbing). Dishwashing, for example (although I'm going for that only if I get *really* desperate... I don't like it when my hands get all pruney >.>;). I like knowing that I can do the same thing the same way over and over again and get the right result (it's why I'm good at math).

Ashley! Get online, damn you!!! *prods*

RQE: "Bobby, could you type normally, please? I hate people who apparently try to get the reputation of having the typing skills of a dead monkey."

Randominity... no, it's not a word.

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 21:07:52 GMT

What have I been doing, you ask? Mostly:

Being abysmally bad in driver's ed.

Banging my head on the keyboard (being writer's blocked, IOW).

Wasting as much time as possible.

Concentrating on being un-emo.

The point of this entry, though, is not about my inane projects and what-have-you. Nay. I started a new account, http://www.xanga.com/thelakevillechronicles, to host my writing projects. Mostly as a convenient place to put my unrefined bits and bobs.

RQE:

"Guys are weird," Carolyn announced to Jared.

"I've got muffins, I've got muffins, I've got- did you say something?"

Carolyn facepalmed. I should become a nun. Just so I won't have to deal with these idiots! She stormed off.

"...What just happened?" Jared wondered aloud.

Emo...ness...os...icity- oh, hell, depression for no reason.

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:15:08 GMT

For no reason at all, I have been incredibly depressed lately (as the title might suggest...). I don't know what's with me, seriously.

I suppose I was counting on this summer to help me get over my issues, and now it seems like all of them are getting shoved back into my face.

I seriously wonder what my problem is sometimes. I mean, I always know why I get depressed. And I just wonder why the *hell* I can't get over her. Most of my friends at NHS aren't even aware that at one point I considered her a sister, as a person I thought I was going to know and care about and keep in touch with my entire life. And she certainly doesn't know how much she hurt me, as I never told her. It's not like she'd ever notice, or care for that matter.

And I don't think I'll ever be able to understand why the HELL she was apparently so unbothered by dropping me and why I was so crushed.

I was counting on having the whole summer to heal- mend my friendships, move on, stop being such a fucking emo idiot. You know, forget about her, stop feeling like every time she sits down and starts talking to someone else without even glancing at me that my heart is breaking.

I mean, it's dumb. I can tell that leaving me behind never bothered her. And I guess 'cause I never said anything and I had a bunch of friends around me at all times (great friends, don't get me wrong- I love them, but I haven't known them since I was five).

But I just hate myself, because I will never be able to look her in the eye and tell her, "You hurt me. You hurt me so badly I don't think I'll ever be the same. I trusted you, and you betrayed that. And I can't even hate you for it." But I'll never be able to do that, because I'm a coward, and that would destroy whatever last chance I have with her. I can't. Fucking. Stand. My life.

You know, it's weird... all the people I should hate, I can't bring myself to. I can't ever hate her- God knows why, but I'm never angry with her for more than a moment. Can't hate Jenni, either. I'm just too damn used to thinking of people as people instead of just the sides of them I see. Goddammit.

THE EMO IS IN YOUR BRAIN.

RQE: "Everywhere someone's getting over Everybody cries and sometimes You can still lose even if you really try Talkin' bout the dream like the dream is over Talk like that won't get you nowhere Everybody's trusting in their heart like the heart don't lie That's all that I need Someone else to cling to Someone I can lean on until I don't need To just stay all through the night and in The morning let me down 'Cause that's all that I need right now"

(Oh, btw, Ash, I feel badly about the way I've been treating you... my current hatred of myself is crossing over to everyone else.)

My Freshman Year in Retrospect, or Why I Didn't get a Yearbook

Thu, 25 May 2006 02:16:09 GMT

Okeedoke, this is sort of a rant, but at least it has a rational trigger. Today, Mandy asked me to sign her yearbook and asked why I didn't have one. I said it was because of my picture (which is true- I looked AWFUL and I couldn't get retakes because of a field trip), but later I realized, "WHY THE *HELL* WOULD I WANT A REMINDER OF THIS YEAR?"

I mean, really. Freshman years are never supposed to be a breeze. But I think if there was a "most likely to have a sucky life" award for freshman, I would win it just based on this year's data.

Things I want to remember about my freshman year:

French class

Finishing my novel

That cute German boy Vince brought to school; sure, he ended up hanging out with Jodi Stitt, but he kept catching my eye and smiling at me

Meeting Mandimus in person

Band/FAC trips

The mad times I've had with my real friends

Things to forget:

Katie

Stevo

Painting class

The number of times I've ran my desk over someone in English class because I don't want to make eye contact

How much I *suck* at playing bells (I'm still pissed that I placed sixth; I know it don't matter, but Cara SUCKS)

All the bad poetry I've written while trying to deal with my losses

My shyness

My seat in algebra (behind Katie and Stevo; I never have to think in that class, so it is TORTURE)

My writer's block

My inability to reliably open a combination lock

My self-loathing/doubt

MY BULLSHIT

The reason Katie gave as to why we couldn't be "close" friends anymore is because we've both changed. Well, I think I like the way I've changed. I'm still quiet, klutzy, shy, jealous, bullshitty, easily wounded, and I still find it extremely hard to open up to anyone in a face-to-face conversation. But dammit, I'm working to improve that. I know my faults, I can put up with them, and I'm trying to fix them. And if that's not good enough for someone else, why do I need them around when I've got other people who love me and accept me for who I am?

Oh, as an FYI... I'm unsure how things stand between me and Jared, or he would be on the list of things to remember; I do like him (while it annoys me incredibly and I'm not sure if he figured it out or not) and if he can't get over Jenni (WHO DOES NOT NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS), his loss. On an odd note, Shelly is now trying to fix me up with one of the only guys (I say only because there's three that I know of; therefore there must be more) that likes Jenni that I have not had a thing for. I'm not allowed to tell who it is.

RQE: "Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift But most of the time it does And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was And I'll be your girl If you say it's a gift Yeah, I'll be your pet If you just tell me it's a gift 'Cause I'm tired of whys"

Fake It Til You Make It, Or SCREW IT.

Wed, 24 May 2006 00:09:29 GMT

If you're not familiar with the fake-it-til-you-make-it strategy, it's a common one in people like me- put up a bitchy, sarcastic, "I don't give a flying fuck what you think about me" front because you're sick and tired of being exploited and left to cry alone.

However, it hasn't been working of late.

The "fake it" part's been working; apparently, most people see a quite self-confident and assured person instead of the spineless, depressed little worm I really am.

"Make it"... notsomuch. The whole point of faking is to keep people at arm's length. I'm really starting to rethink this whole idea, because since I started at NHS, I've been ditched by the people I DON'T want far away from me: dumped by my best friend (who still talks to me/treats me like she didn't hurt me to the core and whose approval I still crave like the puppy I am, so it's doubly worse), turned down by my crush of about seven months, and (inadvertantly) smushed by my new would-be beau (FYI, from what he said, Jared still likes Jenni, so shut up about it, Ash). ...actually, all of that's happened in the past semester. As if it all didn't suck enough.

I could go into my usual mantra of the question of *why* I am so easy to discard or wound, or my rant about being unable to let things go, but I'll spare you that.

Rather, this journal is a "screw it".

This is brought on since Rachel and Shelly want to fix me up with someone and, until lunch today, I was vehemently opposed to it because A) I don't like to be that open with my emotions, B) ...nah. I just don't DO that kind of thing, and C) I have a thing for someone already (I want to make it "had" with my knowledge now, though).

And then I found out that I have no hope with my interest because he likes someone else (going by what he said and the fact that he looked at Jenni when he said it). Now that I think about it, Jenni is kind of inadvertantly a cause of quite a bit of the suckiness in my life, since both my crushes are still apparently hooked on her. I still like her, though. It's not her fault, and she doesn't care about either of them.

So, after realizing how when I try to run my life, I screw it up massively (well, technically, other people screw it up for me, but I MUST have something to do with it, because otherwise it wouldn't happen so much), I've decided FUCK IT. To hell with being emotionally guarded. In the end, I always end up hurt anyway, and my pride won't let me run to someone who cares (because usually, when I get hurt, the only person I care about is the one who did it). FUCK THAT, ok? It's gonna be hard to be open with my friends and to let them do stuff for me, but at least if I mess things up this time, I can blame THEM instead of me. I will not be thinking of lameass explanations for why the person in question would have hurt me, because I will be too PISSED at them that it didn't work out. And then, goddammit, I will have a reason for being a crabby, emotionally stunted bitch!

Besides, the people who do understand me can see through it anyway. Ray Ray is apparently aware of how depressed I am; she thinks that getting a boyfriend would fix that. UM. NO. Shelly thinks the same, but Shelly confuses French-class tiredness and my usual spaciness with ruminations over problems. The only reason I want a boyfriend now is as a fucking *distraction* from the people who make my life suck and as proof that someone of the opposite gender could actually give a damn about me (a fact which has never been proven).

Either way, I'm gonna end up alone, so why fucking worry?

RQE: "I was having a sweet fix Of a daydream of a boy Whose reality I knew Was too hopeless to be had But then the dove of hope Began its downward slope And I believed for a moment that my chances were Approaching to be grasped But as it came down near So did a weary tear I thought it was a bird But it was just a paper bag"

Writing... a.k.a. "Why can't I ever do this at some rational time of day?!"

Mon, 01 May 2006 22:41:38 GMT

It strikes without warning, without fear or restraint, without SANITY... that most fearsome and terrible of creatures... THE PLOTBUNNY!

We all know them- those insidious creatures that prey upon us when two concepts come together in a flash and a bang and and form an idea that just WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE.

My only question is why they must be nocturnal creatures. I spent an hour and a half staring at the ceiling of my room and praying for mercy from its savage bites, but to no avail.

So I finally submitted and snuck past my mother's room at about midnight and wrote for an hour or two. HATE. Not the writing, the fact that I nearly fell asleep in three of my classes today.

I also hate the annoyance of trying to print my novel and resulting in a pile of blurry crap because my printer is acting up again. GRR. Nineteen pages wasted! ;_; I shall have to be very creative to fix this. Why does it do this to me? It doesn't scan well, but it prints fast- and then it pulls this! WTF?!

So... tired... must... sleep... and stop laughing at Tony's impression of Crazy Foaming Guy.

RQE: "Do people have visions when they're dead?" "I wouldn't *know*! I've never *tried* it!"